Digging In The Dirt

So here are just some final thoughts that were running through my head after the leadership meeting that have been kind of lingering in the air for a lil bit now. I do not feel like a leader..not one bit...should I feel like a leader? I'm not sure...but I clearly remember at The Mix when he called all of the leaders to go up and be prayed for first...I did not go up but I was questioning...Should I go up? Am I included?...and I decided to not go up because I feel I am not involved enough to be called a leader....I am a small part of a big thing. I volunteer in the nursery, I am a back up singer for N.W., I volunteer in the Cafe'...I am just a small part of those things, so do I matter? When I looked at all of the leaders going up, I didn't go up because to me I am not really a leader and I'm too small, too young, too inexperienced in comparison to them and that is what drove me to stay in my seat..I didn't want people to look up there and see me and go, since when was she a leader? She's a leader?....It has always been in me that when I am involved in something, I like to dig deep in the dirt when it comes to whatever I am involved in...for example I started dancing, then tumbling/gymnastics and not too long after I decided to compete in both because I wanted to dig deeper into it, learn more about it, and be more involved with it rather than just go to class and that's it...I wanted to be counted on for something, because obviously in dance if you compete you are expected to do your best and work as a team, and each person counts because if you don't work as a team you are all off and you obviously aren't going to even place! I deeply truely ENJOY digging further in the dirt when I am involved in things....so I guess when it comes to leadership and how I am involved in things...I just don't feel like I am being dug into the dirt enough to call myself a leader...but I do honestly enjoy what I'm involved in!...Here's the other side of this...Do the people we concider "leaders" call THEMSELVES leaders?..or Do they sometimes feel the way I do? I see leaders as people who have dug into the dirt so far they begin to see water...they've dug into what they do further than I have....and I am LONGING to just dig deep enough to find water, and I hope that THAT opportunity will arise! What are you digging further towards? How far have you dug into the dirt?
-Christianna Denise