The Expecting..

I was at my 2nd house today and there was a book on the table about childbirth and how this woman had 3 kids without ANY pain at all! Well, Amanda IS pregnant, so I have looked at the cover of that book everytime I'm over there and see it out, just wondering what it says inside, so today I decided to pick it up and start reading it and I couldn't put it down (for me this is RARE because I strongly dislike reading)! There is something about childbearing that draws me in, something about it the facinates me and catches all of my attention! I will walk by an expecting mother at the store, or see one while I'm working the drive thru window and my mind just starts racing and so many questions fill my mind.. I wish I could feel her belly..Is the baby moving? I wonder how it feels to know that there is a little life in there? I wonder how it feels to feel that baby kick for the first time, feel it move, hear it's heartbeat, or see it on an ultra sound? I wonder what kind of things she is experiencing? Is she excited or scared? Is she happy or was she unexpecting to be expecting?.. there are so many things that I often sit there and wonder about for hours at a time. It so surreal to think that one day I will be the woman who is expecting. I have NO doubt AT ALL on my mind that one day I will be the one who is the expecting mother and all of the things I wonder about will be put to rest. I can't WAIT to experience childbearing! Often I worry a little that I won't be able to bear a child, but I BELIEVE that I will because I feel that right now I am practicing and developing my parenting skills. God has his hand on my life, and he knows that being a wife and being a mother is one of the biggest things on my heart (I'm talking top 2). I dunno how you feel about it, but this is how I feel. It is SO beautiful looking at an expecting mother, to me she GLOWS radiantly and thinking that she is holding a little life in her belly, a HUMAN LIFE, another soul that God has the chance to pour his presence on and another soul that could change the world.. is simply indescribable! What an amazing God we have!

The Mix 08'....What Else?

Have you ever reached a stage in your belief where you are wondering what could possibly be next?...and by that I mean Have you ever reached that point where you wonder what more God could possibly do for you? The Mix 08' is coming up and I wasn't able to go last year but this past spring and summer I have grown so much in every way, and I have everyone at The Rock to thank for that, especially my small group leader who has become one of my BFF's and who is an awesome example of how someone living for Jesus should be like! I'm super excited for The Mix but I have reached a questioning point....there are going to be people there who have very little maybe even some who have no faith at all there at The Mix, and I'm 100% sure that their world is going to get ROCKED and I'm so excited for them, but anyways as I was saying there are going to be people there who have little faith, their world will be Rocked, but what is God going to do for me? What more can God do for me? I feel less important than them, than anyone around me because I always put other people first so to me they are more important and I should sit back and let them receive Jesus since I already have. I guess I may have reached a hault in my growth state. Sure, I help out in the nursery...alot, and I love it whole-heartedly it makes me happy, I am a little part of New Wine, and I also love and commit to that whole-heartedly especially since that's one of the things I asked God for! But I still wonder, what more could he possibly do? I know he is not done with me yet, but I still quesition whether or not he is. What else can he do? What else can I do?...Will The Mix 08' even change anything for me?

Inspiration

I believe that inspiration can be hard to find at times. Those times when you just feel like blah, unloved, or maybe it's just the change of season...that is when you need inspiration. At any moment you are saseptable to find it but you just aren't looking hard enough, and finally you rest a little and then without effort, you find the inspiration you've been looking for. One of my biggest inspirations have always been music. Today I was watching August Rush and I really got to thinking about it. Music really IS everywhere. It's all around us and we don't realize, all we have to do is listen. It's in the trees that move to the beat of the wind, it's in all of the sounds of the city, whether it's a car honking, feet walking, music is EVERYWHERE....especially in the voice of God. The truth is that lately I have gotten so much inspiration out of Austin, Amanda, Justin, pretty much everyone at the church and everything happening for the church, the whole Matthew West thing...I feel so pushed..I want to do something big with the only instrument I have learned pretty okay..my voice! I really do have this huge desire that I cannot explain and I don't know what to do. I know that I would love to have someone help me to find my voice more. All I know is that I want to amaze people, I want to use what I've got to bring them closer to God, closer to Jesus, and I want to inspire THEM!! The only thing...it's hurting my heart that I do not know where to start...but this desire is pushing and dragging my emotions like crazy...lately it doesn't take much to make me cry, OR make me happy! Final thoughts...let the music around you lead you where it wants you to go (music=God). What inspires you? Any thoughts or comments??

-Christianna Denise

p.s. I love you!

Mic. Check, Reality Check, Debut Part 2!...

So.....Part 2....
Mic Check: Practice was ummm interesting...and my first mic. check will never be my last and the oddness of saying "check" into the mic will always be just a bit awkward I think...it was quite funny actually...Shannon "SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!"...Me "CHECKKK!!!". Then practice resumes and Austin "Can you hear yourself okay?"..Me I shake my head but really I'm thinking "Yeah if I scream"...too shy to say no no I really can't lol! As practice resumed I started to think..
Here's the reality check..."OMGSH!, Are you freaking serious? Is this REALLY happening? I freaking walked into the church and SAID I was gonna be here in this spot and I'm standing here!"....at that point I got a bit teary eyed and I wanted to jump up and down with JOY saying "PRAISE JESUS!"....but I chose not to since I'm 100% sure that that would draw some attention..I try to do the least of that!
Debut: As the time countdown is showing my heart starts pumping faster 30, 29, 28...OH GOSH the adrenaline rush I get before is what pushes me to continue! The music starts and I immediately was brought into what I like to call "The Zone", which I will explain shortly, and I was no longer nervous, no longer getting that adrenaline rush, but I was comfortable because it was me and God!.."The Zone" is my favorite place to be, and that is when I grow the MOST in my faith, it only makes me want to worship praise and thank God, even MORE!...it's when I feel that nervousness and that adrenaline rush lifted off of my body and as I am doing whatever it is I literally forget that everyone else is there, like I'm listening to a cd and worshiping or something, and It's me, God, and the music that's playing keeps us in unity, keeps us in sync with each other! "Sing to me a new song"...I sang this morning for God to be my voice...and as I was in "The Zone, I felt it! I FELT IT!...At some point I felt my lips moving, I felt and heard what was coming out, but at the same time I felt like it wasn't my own voice, but this voice lifted me higher than anything! At the point where I started coming back from "The Zone", I felt the biggest sigh of relief and I felt as if something was telling me that as far as ministry goes, it's where I belong, it's where I will learn to grow the most, and it's where God has placed me for a reason! I finally felt important enough to be a part of something and it can only get better from here! Although I really do believe, and I always do believe that I coulda done better...but it'll do for my first time!! Once I get more experience I'll let out like a ball of fire...believe me! I could become the next Amanda Dean!....haha I know that's funny I'm laughing too, if only I could be that anointed, there's only one of those!...WELL I'll have to settle for becoming the next Christianna Crosby..oh wait i am her.. seriously tho, I can always listen and learn from my influences, yes Amanda that includes you, and I'll find my own voice and grow from it! I believe it and if you do too "Can I get an Amen?!" lol! Much love peace music...I'm pretty pooped from an exciting night! (we all know I'll be up 4 another 3 hours)
-Christianna Denise

Mic. Check, Reality Check, Debut Part 1....

Mic checks, harmonizing, and praising Jesus...the third one came at a later time, but as for the other two...they've always been a part of my passion...I haven't even really started yet until tomorrow and I've already put it on my list for things that stir my passion for Jesus and brings me closer to him.
Tomorrow will be my Debut at the Rock...right now I am thinking "Holy Crud, is this really happening??!!"...I will officially be a part of something at The Rock...and let me tell you my entire body and mind is FLAMING with SO much PASSION! The more I think about it, the more I want to praise Jesus for even planning that I'd walk into that church someday...and I'm SO glad that even after I wanted to give up, I didn't and he kept pushing me the entire time! My promise to the rest of the band members is that I promise that I will put my whole heart into it, and work at becoming better each time!...I promise you that I have SO much passion inside of me for this, and in fact a year ago I was sitting in the crowd telling God that THAT is what I wanted, and it's not at all about the stage presence, it's about worshiping God and how I feel CLOSER to him when I am in the zone...I promise you I will do the best I can, and that you can count on me.

"I'll be right here where you need me, anytime just keep believing, and I'll be right here. If you ever need a friend, someone to care and understand, I'll be right here. All you have to do is call my name, No matter how close or far away, Ask me once and I'll come, I'll come runnin, And when I can't be with you dream me near, Keep me in your heart and I'll appear, All you gotta do is turn around, Close your eyes, Look inside, I'm right here."

-Christianna Denise Crosby

Passion

The word passion can be defined as a strong enthusiasm or fondness for something. Jesus is a passion that I have chosen to persue, I have stumbled and fell a few times but thanks to Amanda who has become one of my favorite people, best friends and inspiration this summer, I have learned and am still learning how to pick myself up and continue on my path to eternity. Everyone has a voice and my passions are what helps me find my voice that has been lost and silenced in my past. BUT if you know me you KNOW that I, CHRISTIANNA DENISE CANNOT talk about PASSION without expressing my passion for the stage and the stage life. Here is a little taste of what I enjoy...the 30 second costume changes backstage (it's fun, adrenaline rush!), being on one side of the stage and having 20 seconds to run to the other side when you get backstage before you have to be on stage again, the fun amazing costumes themselves (it's like playing dress up!), dreaming of being on bigger stages when in reality I'm in my living room performing to my favorite songs and imaginary audiences with a mic in my hand that doesn't even work but I don't even care that they don't....I have been blessed with a very strong passion for performing...and better yet in a couple weeks I will get to use this passion to worship Jesus Christ, I CAN'T WAIT!! The funny thing is that when I first started going to The Rock I said "I want to be on that stage with them worshiping God! Watch me, I'll be on there, I've got a feeling!". That was a dream to me, and it's so silly but I would literally day dream about it like people dream about meeting their favorite stars, I dreamt about worshiping God on stage at The Rock while doing something I'm so passionate about. Thank you God for giving me these passions, sending me an inspiration who is so passionate about you in everything she does that every inperfection is what makes her perfectly beautiful, thank you god for helping me find my voice again.
-Christianna Denise (aka Lil' Diva)

Beautiful Creation

How many times do we ever thank god for the little things we take for granted that prove his exsistance? How many people REALLY wake up and thank him for another day of the earth's axis, the sunrise, and sunset, or the first snowfall of the year? How about those beautifully colored leaves we get to crunch through in the fall or the smell of freshly bloomed flowers in the spring?? Hardly ever because we aren't supposed to worship creation too much, so we all just COMPLETELY ignore thanking him for them so we DONT worship them too much. BUT in thanking god for his creations aren't you worshipping him not the creation?? On a Saturday night most of us are either out with friends or at home watching tv or on the internet. Most of us on a Sunday are in bed sleeping at 6am. Have you ever thought of giving up that time with friends on Saturday, or on the internet, or giving up that sleep at 6am to worship god and thank him for such wonderful creations?? On Saturday night I could have been out with friends, but I chose to have my own fun, and be different. I went to Vander Veer Park (my favorite place EVER) and I chose a spot in the grass and watched the sun set......




...Then this morning I woke up at 5:30, left the house around 5:40 and headed again to Vander Veer (did I mension I love that place!!?), along with my friend Nicole, to watch the sunrise!...and as the sun peeked over the trees we praised, thanked, and prayed to god.....


.....Just imagine....watching the sunset and sunrise for the purpose of worshipping god....it makes you want to praise the creator SO much more. That moment when you see the sun FIRST peek over the trees, hills and all of the city is SO breathtaking, SO much more beautiful when you do it for the purpose of worshipping god that it brought tears to our eyes!...and right now after experiencing that, it STILL is bringing tears to my eyes just talking about it! THANK YOU GOD! PRAISE JESUS FOR SUCH GLORIOUS, UNFAILING LOVE! The feeling you get in the warmth of your heart and the pit of your stomach is SO UNDESCRIBABLE....that in order to know what I'm talking about I have to CHALLENGE YOU to go do what I did..."..therefore GO"....you will know what I mean, and I PROMISE it's SO MUCH worth losing sleep over! It was such an amazing, overwhelming feeling! Have you thanked god for another day on earth lately?? I challenge YOU this week to "GO"...do something you've been wanting to do, think of a new way to worship god and thank him for his creation!
-Christianna Denise Crosby