Like I said in part 1...I kind of have a big steel gate built around who I really am, and what has shaped me to be the way I am, and not very many people know my complete true heart..some may know half but I tend to leave the other half unsaid for them to find themselves, if I want them to..for some people I open up kinda quickly and others it takes time and patience. But here's another inside scoop on me.
The statement on the picture says "Tears are words the heart can't say"...and I have come to notice how true that is! When I was 10 I moved to a different school and had to make new friends (for the 3rd time) and I used to get made fun of alot because I wore glasses and I always wore my hair in a braid, so they would call me names like brady bunch, or just some stupid childish names..I never really said anything back to them to defend myself, I just kinda completely shut them out and ignored them even though sometimes the taunting got so bad that they were in my face SCREAMING threats, and calling me names, pushing me, shoving me, breaking the things that belonged to me....there may have been a couple times when I've did something just as mean back to them, but other than that I either ignored it or just looked them in the eye with a smile on my face and walked away, I always though I'd ...but the truth is I would go home everyday, go in my room, and just ball...but then I would go back to school the next day and put my tough mask on again and pretend that they never even hurt me. Those same people taunted me all through junior high also..finally in 8th grade at the end of the year we had a talent show, I tried out, made it, and did a dance solo on stage in my dance outfit and after that none of them ever picked on me again and wanted to befriend me all of a sudden...to this day I can still remember that dance! But as I sit and think about it now and think about that statement on the picture above..yeah I cried because what they said hurt my feelings, but it was a much deeper feeling that I cannot explain and because I couldn't really explain what that feeling was all I could do was cry. Not very many people have seen me cry, I hate crying in front of people makes me feel guilty and ashamed, I'm more of a cry behind closed doors kind of person, but when I cannot hold my tears back and allow myself to cry in front of someone usually it means that something really is wrong. To end this post...it's been a long road getting to where I am at, and sometimes I may show joy, and happiness..but you just never know what's going on and what's happening behind the steel gates closed doors! Have you ever built a gate around who you truely are? What kind of things are behind YOUR big steel gate?
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