Big Steel Gates Part 4: Just A Dream

If I had known that that night at work had been the last time I was gonna see him, I woulda spent all night talking to him, and held on as long as I could. My daddy was always there...and I hid it, from my friends, and family because anytime I ever told them I had talked to my daddy, or went to see him, they would make fun of me....so I hid it and none of them know that he was my rock, that I talked to him all the time, and that we were bonded so tightly together. This is the hardest thing that I've EVER had to go through and experience. Who is your best friend? Imagine losing that person suddenly one day to a tragic accident, knowing that the night before you had JUST saw them and they were just fine! I miss him SO much all the time...and ESPECIALLY during the holidays...I'm not going to lie, I have spent many sleepless nights, many nights crying myself to sleep over how deeply it hurts wondering when it gets easier. Seeing my baby sister (13) hurting just as much as me, and seeing my big sissy who was searching for my dad and never got to meet him before she found out he was gone...my heart, just hurts, SO much for them! Sometimes if I close my eyes, and think about all of the times my daddy held me in his arms so tight just to say I love you, I can almost feel his arms wrapped around me again...but it just doesn't compare. I know that if it had been someone else, and my daddy was still here, he would be holding me right now, and I can almost hear his voice saying "Baby, it's gonna be alright, I'm right here"...just like he did summer 07' when we found out my granny had cancer, and just like the night I got rushed to the hospital that summer. But when I almost hear his voice, and almost feel his warm arms wrapped around me, I open my eyes and realize that it's just a dream...and I know I was hoping that when I was standing in front of his casket staring at his stiff body, and the bruises that they tried to hide, standing there as we put flowers on his casket before it was lowered hoping wishing that I could die and go with him, I KNOW I was hoping that it was just a dream...but it wasn't.
-Daddy's Girl
"God be the solution.....Be a father to the fatherless.."