Do Not Worry (Luke 12:22-24)

.. okay read until the end.. I do have a point to this story.. Lately, life has been pretty much a nonstop rollercoaster ride, and due to the rollercoaster ride's many loops, twists, and turns my emotions have taken a pretty bumpy ride also.. but HEY I'm not complaining because I know and see that God is moving and thriving in every bit of our lives and am beginning to come to an understanding of the fact that when you ask Him to take your life, you better be ready because you never know what plans He has for you!! All this craziness has had me worrying about many things, big and small, which if you don't know worrying is the underlying cause of this fabulous "disorder" I have, Panic/Anxiety Disorder.. and I'm pretty sure that I LITERALLY worry myself sick.. just got over a not so slight case of bronchitis a few weeks ago, then something else happened and BAM.. here I am, I've had this dumb cough for a week now, and it's definitely not getting better, if anything, it has gotten worse, I can barely make it 2 minutes without hacking, my throat is sore, my stomach feels like it does after I vomit water, my ribs are quite sore and I have completely lost my appetite.. BUT this morning I swear I saw God in the eyes of a woman in drive thru around 7am.. This morning I woke up around 5:20, got ready for work, then headed out the door to clean off my car windows and head to work.. when I pulled into the parking lot at work I noticed that I had forgot to pack something to eat for break and my immediate thought was "Crap, how am I gonna eat on break? I can't go to the bank and I don't have any extra cash on me!".. then I decided that I'd just let it go and not worry about it because I could just wait and eat after I got off anyways. Drive thru was WAY busy today, filled with black friday shoppers, many whom still seemed to be wearing their black friday game faces (in other words they were mean and rude).. but around 7am this one particular woman pulls up to my window with a huge smile on her face, as I opened my window here was our conversation..
Her-"Wow, I bet you guys are busy this morning?"
Me-"Yeah, it's been insane this morning!"
Her-"How are you? Have people been cranky this morning?"
Me-"I'm alright, Yeah people have been so mean and rude this morning!"
Her-"Well thank you for your smile and for your service.. here's the money, and here is a tip for you, you deserve it!"
Me-"Thank you SO much!"

.. at that moment I swear I caught a glimpse of Jesus in her eyes and immediately I thought of this verse.. "..I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than birds!"-Luke 12:22-24

I have read this verse over and over and over and OVER, trying to pound it into my brain whenever I start to worry really bad or start to have a panic attack and it just never worked, but today I saw this verse literally come to life before my eyes!!.. and ironically EVERYTHING about that verse describes some of my biggest issues I've had in the past, but more importantly some of my biggest issues that have seemed to be creeping back into my life slowly within the past few months and recently started almost getting bad again!.. but this was just the icing on top of the cake when it comes to seeing these words become life to me.. the managers ended up completely accidentally forgetting to give me a break, and again I was not worried about it one bit, but since they forgot to give me a break, they gave me a free meal after I got off of work! To you it may seems small, but to ME, that was huge and I definitely without a doubt saw God's word come to life before my eyes!
Thank you God, for always being faithful, for this amazing day, for my body that is being healed by your hands at this very second, for breath and life that you put in me!

A Father's Love

"I'm found in the arms of love, Your love it has saved my soul, I'll run to your arms of love..."

From what I understand, or from what I have seen and been shown by watching others... a father's love is one of a kind, precious, protective, forgiving, strong holding, forever lasting, never giving up, sometimes giving in easily. He is the person who allows their child to run back into his arms no matter how old he or she is, the one who wipes the tears and then threatens whatever made his child cry.. a father's love is something that a lot of people mess their lives up trying to find to fill the hole that their non-exsistant or abusive or panzy father has left.. something every person deserves to understand, to feel, and to have. As I walk along this path less traveled by, I wonder how different I would be, had I felt or experienced this kind of love. Would it have been easier or harder for me to accept God into my life? Would I still be filled with jealousy when I see an amazing father loving his child? Would I still be the same person? How would it have changed my veiws of things? Ya know, sometimes I feel so much like a parentless child... but then as I sit here listening to this song, tears begin to fall as I close my eyes and my imagination runs wild.. God the Father of the fatherless is holding out his arms towards me as I run to him with tears falling down my face and finally I find comfort as he is holding me in his arms.. this is a father's love.. this must be what it feels like but I will never know, I can only hope to truly understand one day.

-Beautifully Broken

One of my strongest love languages..

A simple cheek or forehead kiss can mean so much to a person even though to you it may feel like nothing or like just a breath of air. Reassurance, a heart-felt "I love you, friend", "I care", or "I'm here for you" and so much more, even the most simple kiss can mean all of these things. Something that may seem so simple to you might mean the world to another person without you even knowing it! I miss out. If I could ask for anything in the entire world right now, ANYTHING, not excluding actual store bought items, I'd ask for the kind of reassuring, heart-felt kiss that my Daddy gave me the day before he died. Love like this is PRICELESS!... beautiful.

-Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful, Unexplainable and God-Sent

A picture can tell a thousand words. Often as I'm glancing through my facebook I see this picture, and each time I see it the same exact thing happens: It catches my eye, I click on it, and stare at it as a thousand thoughts flood my mind about friendship and I start tearing up. It isn't very often we catch these little candid moments on camera, and when we do.. they are just so amazingly beautiful that you can't help but tear up at the sight of it's beauty and the meaning of what it brings to mind.
Friendship. Friends are a creation that I am more than often unbelievably thankful for. Friendship means being there when things are tough, and at the same time being honest when things aren't right. Friendship is late night heart to hearts and laughter so hard that you swear you are gaining abs because you just can't stop laughing so hard. Friendship is happiness and JOY! "...so one friend sharpens another".. and that's how it should be. Friendship is the willingness to put your life on the line for your friend in danger. Friendship is BEAUTIFUL! This picture tells me a thousand words. This picture is a PERFECT captured moment that shows so much beauty. The beauty of amazing, unexplainable, intimate, BEAUTIFUL friendship. "I am lost for more to say".. beautiful.

What is friendship to you? What is your favorite captured, candid moment??

Miracle Babies: Story #2

Rumaisa Rahman was born at 25 weeks at 8inches long and weighing only 8.6 OUNCES... yes.. you got it.. OUNCES!.. that's about the size of a cellphone! Rumaisa's twin sister Hisa was born weighing 1lb. Her mother developed a terrible case of pre-eclampsia that forced her to have a c-section and have her twin girls early! Luckily she was born at 25 weeks because had she been born 2 weeks earlier she wouldn't have had a chance at surviving due to the fact that babies at 23 weeks or earlier don't have fully developed lungs! Mother and both babies survived by the grace of God! Here are some pictures of this tiny miracle baby..

This is her with a ball point pen next to her to get a picture of how tiny she was:

Her tiny feet that weren't even as big as ONE of our fingers:

This was her after a few weeks, (still SO tiny!!):

Miracle Babies: Story #1

So I am starting a new blog series and as you see it's called "Miracle Babies" and to each series there will be pictures at the end. Children are a gift from God, each born with their own purpose specially made by our unexplainable amazing creator! This first story just blew me away and touched my heart when I read it!..

21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who was being operated on by a surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse i

n Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope."

The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life." Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person." Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful.

The Expecting..

I was at my 2nd house today and there was a book on the table about childbirth and how this woman had 3 kids without ANY pain at all! Well, Amanda IS pregnant, so I have looked at the cover of that book everytime I'm over there and see it out, just wondering what it says inside, so today I decided to pick it up and start reading it and I couldn't put it down (for me this is RARE because I strongly dislike reading)! There is something about childbearing that draws me in, something about it the facinates me and catches all of my attention! I will walk by an expecting mother at the store, or see one while I'm working the drive thru window and my mind just starts racing and so many questions fill my mind.. I wish I could feel her belly..Is the baby moving? I wonder how it feels to know that there is a little life in there? I wonder how it feels to feel that baby kick for the first time, feel it move, hear it's heartbeat, or see it on an ultra sound? I wonder what kind of things she is experiencing? Is she excited or scared? Is she happy or was she unexpecting to be expecting?.. there are so many things that I often sit there and wonder about for hours at a time. It so surreal to think that one day I will be the woman who is expecting. I have NO doubt AT ALL on my mind that one day I will be the one who is the expecting mother and all of the things I wonder about will be put to rest. I can't WAIT to experience childbearing! Often I worry a little that I won't be able to bear a child, but I BELIEVE that I will because I feel that right now I am practicing and developing my parenting skills. God has his hand on my life, and he knows that being a wife and being a mother is one of the biggest things on my heart (I'm talking top 2). I dunno how you feel about it, but this is how I feel. It is SO beautiful looking at an expecting mother, to me she GLOWS radiantly and thinking that she is holding a little life in her belly, a HUMAN LIFE, another soul that God has the chance to pour his presence on and another soul that could change the world.. is simply indescribable! What an amazing God we have!

My "Family"

I can't help but burst with joy and SO much love when just even one thought of them comes in my mind and I wonder what they are up to or if they feel the same way or not or maybe I'm just crazy.... but never have I felt so much love for a family before. I could only WISH that I was related but also have experienced what it the word "family" really means without even being so..but just feeling like I am. Feeling like I belong and am accepted somewhere, no strings attatched. I don't go a day without thinking about them. "Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?"...yes much too often when I am just hanging out with them, whether its laughing at Justin being mean to people on reality tv shows, Amanda and I staying up and having bonding time watching tv and talking after Justin goes to bed, or Javen just walking up to me out of the blue, planting a kiss on my cheek and saying he loves me.. No words are even strong enough, powerful enough, loving enough, thankful enough to describe how I feel. Look at that picture. How could anyone NOT love them! I can't wait until there is 4! I have learned so much and I have so much still to learn.

Wishing, Dreaming, Hoping..

My ultimate dream (besides becoming an awesome wife and mommy) is to help lead worship in front of hundreds and someday millions of followers of Christ and helping lead unbelievers to the love of Jesus using the gift God gave me! Yesterday I was worshipping and for a few minutes I opened my eyes and looked at our worship team and thought "look at how beautiful they all are!"..I think that a person is the most beautiful when they are worshipping God..and last night I saw the face of God when I looked at each of them and it was unbelievably beautiful and I could tell that God was the center of where they were..up there helping lead people to Christ! Since everything changed with the band and have gone from New Wine to Surrender, I've given up on the gift/gifts I was given because I felt discouraged, not equal, and not good enough..but I know that it's where I truely belong because it's where my heart has always been..and I feel as though I left part of it right there on that stage! Dear Jesus, I wishing, dreaming, and hoping to be where I feel God has intended me to be! I've ran from a million things that have never come back to me..but this...keeps crawling its way back into my heart!
-Hopeful Dreamer

A Love-Driven Heart

I owe my life to the God above who has me under his wings. I am love-driven. Wherever I am love follows and leaves a trail. I always love with everything in me and never say I love you without meaning it whole-heartedly with everything in me! I believe that the words "I love you" are the strongest most intimate words you can say to a person. I communicate through love and encouragement and nothing means more to me than a meaningful unexpected 'i love you' and a huge or kiss on the cheek or forehead and nothing hurts me more than feeling unloved and unloving words and actions against me. I fear a lot of things but what I fear most is losing the people I'm closest to because I lost 2 of the best friends I could have, my Daddy and my Granny, so I try to let the people I'm closest to always know how much I care and love them because we often take life for granted and forget that we never know what could happen because in the end God has all the power. My heart is often overwhelmed with so much love for my friends and family even though sometimes I feel that they don't feel the same way about me. I concider my closest friends my family and without them I'm nothing because the teach me what it means to truely love. I am undeserving of such wonderful people in my life but I am glad God thought that I deserved them!!..so since they were a gift to me I give back willingly in return and enjoy every bit of it. I enjoy every bit of having a giving heart. I give out of love and find joy in it. I am love-driven by my passions/dreams, the people I care most about, I am love-driven by God and the purpose he has for me.
-Christianna Denise

p.s. Any comments? Any thing ya wanna say? I'm listening..so speak..please.