Praise You In This Storm

If u havent noticed I have been having major issues lately believing God in all situations...if that's how to word it. My last blog I was just SO angry at God for making me the way I am and writing my story the way its written and continuing to allow certain things to happen when I began to feel like I was at the peak of my faith and then it made me feel like it was all my fault and like I have a perminant marking on my forehead saying that its ok to hurt me and like I could have prevented it, and like I am/was serving a life sentence for what other people have done. Last night my heart sank to my stomach so many times just hearing certain words and I thought "God why do I have to serve a life sentence for things that they did to me? Shouldn't THEY be the ones who feel guilty? Shouldn't THEY be the ones who are feeling ashamed?"....the message hit home completely. God was there the whole time...in each of those situations...but I failed to look beside me. Its not easy to look past everything in those situations and praise him in the storm. Sometimes I feel so weighed down by it...and like I can't carry on because I can't find him. The thunder starts rolling and I can't hear him whispering through the rain. But I will learn and I'll praise him in this storm...I will lift my hands because his love never changes no matter where I am or what I'm going through...."and every tear I cry, you hold in your hand,you never left my sight.."....and though my heart is torn I WILL PRAISE HIM IN THIS STORM!!! If u hear anything from this I would want u to know what I am about to pray to God for and ask u to also help pray for me! God I pray, I cry out to you for your love and comfort! I pray to see u in all situations and PRAISE YOU IN THESE STORMS when my heart is torn!! Change this, that constantly leaves me feeling broken, ashamed and guilty!..that I see u standing right beside me, God, and reach for Jesus instead of wanting to die and get it over with already, to reach for Jesus instead of anything else!
-Beautifully Broken